Earth to Drama Queen

Yeah, I know. I've been irritated and tried to indirectly push the guy I'm seeing away, that was a great idea. I've picked at my roommates and who knows what else simply because I am not happy with my health issues right now. I want improvement now! Anything else is unacceptable. I got my hopes up over a few things that have not panned out or been solutions to my CFS. And a goal I set for myself is too high and I know it. That makes me mad but of course I won't stop trying. Sigh.

In fighting against what is I have managed to let unhappiness eek out and corrupt my relationships. Bad, bad Jean!

So today I plan to clean like a maniac and kiss my boys on their doggie noses and go dancing to put some joy back into my life. Plus gotta get my butt out to the farm for some country air as soon as possible before I go too crazy!!

The meds are a bit screwy right now and I have a call into the doctor about whether upping my thyroid stuff is causing this unexplained agitation.

I'm pushing everyone and myself these days and that is not good. Angel and I are going to start practicing here at the house on Tuesdays and the book project is giving me plenty to work on during the day so I think if I keep myself occupied I will be in much better shape. I've taken up walking everyday and hate it. It's so boring but I have a goal and will see how far the walking gets me. Yes, exercise does help and sadly I know it may take over a year to see any true results but that shouldn't let me make excuses.

I wanted to volunteer for We Can Ride but I am not strong enough to manage leading a horse and walk an hour yet. For that matter I would not be reliable on a weekly basis. (Who knows what my body can do from one day to the next!?) So you can see how highly annoyed I am with myself right now. Mentoring at the elementary school at least makes me feel useful.

I am really mad at myself and I need to knock that off.