I Can’t Stop Trying.

Lately I've been carrying a heavier load then usual and boy staying positive is hard. You know it's pretty bad when I'm saying that since we all know God gave Jean the happy genes to get through life. My test results came back and they were not what I was hopping for. Oh well I don't have to decide right now what I'm going to do about this information. But it's kind of heavy on my mind right now.

There's that and then lately also the pain has been so unbearable from dancing. The problem is how am I going to improve and be a better dancer if I don’t get out there and keep trying? By today I couldn’t even see straight my back was so bad. What a dilemma, I need to be in classes to learn how to dance and yet the pain is horrible. I can’t dance with other beginners they just hurt me too bad. I want to take WCS classes but part of the reason I stopped was due to my not being able to manage the pain of a two-hour class.

Anyway I think I’m pretty good at covering up my pain but when it messes with my head that’s not acceptable. So I made an emergency visit to my Chiropractor. Damn, I hate it when the corrections make me cry in front of him. I have to say though I feel sooooo much better. After he was done with me, I sighed and my whole body relaxed. I could actually think clearly again! I still hurt but not like before – that’s for sure!!

I’ve been burying my feelings and going to WCS dances lately thinking the more I dance the better I’ll be for the practice. It’s not working. I don’t have a chance to work out what I’m doing wrong out on the floor. Plus my pride is really suffering. Each time I come off the floor someone is pointing out what I’m doing wrong, so I dance more and more aware of how goofy I look but am not sure if what I’m doing is changing it since I can’t see myself.

I pretend I’m fine with this. I dance and keep those feelings bottled up until I become to sad about it that I just want to hide. Naturally I have to keep trying, it’s not in me to give up so easily.

I really need a dance partner again. It’s just so hard to find one that doesn’t want to hit on me. That is usually their motivation in the end and not to just dance. My last two partners had crushes on me and that’s why now they no longer can be my dance partners.

I’m sure I’ll figure something out. I always do. Having said that I’m more determined then ever.

Watch out you men, Jean has her game face on, and is ready for action!