Well everybody it’s not been the best of days for me. I spent the whole day flat on my back in bed due to some killer back pain, when I called my two sweet dogs up there to keep me company. Junior miscalculated and landed half on my chest. I laughed but it hurt like hell. When my breast wouldn’t stop aching, I thought what the ???

I rubbed on the spot and discovered a nodule a little larger then my thumb in size. Like I said not the best of days. I’m a little thing and the slightest of lumps would stand out on me so there’s no mistaking this for what it is. I know without a doubt this is just a fibrous mass and nothing more but I will be a good girl and have it checked out. Have the fluid drawn out, whatever the doctor tells me, I’ll do.

But knowing what checking this out entails makes me a very unhappy camper. I am so sick of tests. I have gone through so many tests I just want to scream to go through any more. I know the mammogram diagnostic is simple and I’ve been through ultra sound many times before for stuff. I just am so sick of doctor’s offices I could scream. Why do you think I learned to give myself my own injections?

So in a celebration of life I will get my act together, strap on my back brace (if need be), and go Tango dancing because life is to short to be lying in bed, pain or no pain. Know what I mean? I’m going to have this pain whatever I choose to do so for a while I’ll block it out with good company and wonderful music. I’m not so sure I’ll be dancing any tonight -- maybe a gentle dance or two. I will love those around me as I do myself and that will be enough for me for now.

It’s interesting how our experiences, if we are in tune with them, are there to teach us something right before we need it most. I’m back from dancing last night and found myself in a new dilemma. One of my men to dance with asked me out for tea. I was surprised. He knows nothing about me but undoubtedly picked just the right scenario to get to know me better. Well I thought maybe this was a sign or something. He is a most attractive man and one of only three man that make my heart race to dance with them. The dancing just sweeps me away.

My first thought was to go out with him. But I knew it was not due to attraction that I would do this but to acquire and keep the most awesome dance partner ever. My second thought was that due to his choice of attire he must be conservative and maybe even possibly a republican. Okay so I’m being a little silly here. But you have to admit, those of you that know me, know I live a most unconventional lifestyle. I’m under the opinion there are very few men that could honestly enjoy my quirky ways. So when I see someone in a wool suit jacket I do hesitate, knowing I myself am quite flamboyant. Whatever would we have in common?

Now as I considered how to handle this situation I realized I had just been through something similar. But had I learned my lesson? If I would listen to my inner voice it would be a no-brainer. I feel no attraction for this man so why even attempt to go there by having a bit of tea with him. Don’t get me wrong I am most flattered he is looking my way but I just am reminded of what I wrote a friend about being true to myself and sticking to my convictions.

I talked about the time when I was in high school that my Mom took my sister and I to a movie about Gandhi. During the scene where they horribly beat him, I was so moved that I threw my fist up in the air and exclaimed YES! There were sobs and weeping all around us, my sister included, who being appalled at my outburst, looked at my Mom and said, “How can she be so heartless!” But my Mother knew me well and told her, “Your sister is cheering Gandhi on for his courage”.

I am no Gandhi but I do have my own strong convictions and strength of spirit. No matter what I endure and am missing I strive to keep my heart pure, true to my beliefs, and how I approach life. When I love it’s a 100 percent full out, not split with my wish to know if there are greener pastures.

I don’t want to be dishonest with myself or anyone else. And here, people, is the crux of the matter. I would be dishonest if I were to in anyway lead this man on. So I will flatter him and continue to tell him, "Sorry no", in the hopes that he will be strong enough to handle it and continue to dance with me anyway.