Whispers of Adventure
(Memories of 2001 and the last chapter of my book)

The world has opened up to me, full of wonder and challenge. My heart bursts with emotion when I think of how having CFS brought me to my knees and all the wonderful life lessons I’ve experienced along the way.

Although there is a driving force within me that makes me keep trying to be that strong person I know I am, I try each day to also live in acceptance of who I’ve become.

A friend once sent me this questionnaire that was designed so that the recipients could reply with their answers and we could know each other better. They were simple things like: If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Well, one of the questions asked was what’s your favorite day of year? My reply was and will always be, the first day of the year I get see my friend, the famous Mr. Bob Vest.

I use to be really shy around him. He knew it and teased me something awful, but I loved every minute of it. I still do! Spending time with Mr. Bob is the highlight of my summer months and all my friends know it.

For me, Mr. Bob is the kind of person that when I leave his presence I leave feeling better then I do before coming. He constantly chuckles and points out interesting things my dogs are doing so I can understand them better. He even gave me the title for this book and helped me find an ending. Because of my many conversations with Mr. Bob and the passion I have for working my dogs I have discovered I can do things I didn’t think I could. I think a real turning point was a very bad day I had during a spring seminar Mr. Bob was giving locally. [Photo] [Caption: Mr. Bob Vest]

I will never forget we were out at a herding dog trial in Scandia, MN. My friend Chris was there as well as Edna Grabow, the breeder of my darling dogs, and many others I know, to watch and compete in this trial. Mr. Bob was one of the judges and the trial happened to be running a bit late past lunchtime. I always bring a bunch of stuff to snack on just in case that happens, since I don’t do well putting off eating. So I ate all the food I had as I waited.

But I had overextended myself that week and was really struggling to keep my energy level up. The travel out to Scandia every day for Mr. Bob’s seminar had done me in. I knew I was on the verge of one of my “crash and burns,” but there was nothing I could do. I was in no condition to drive myself home, so I hoped going out with everyone to eat lunch would do the trick.

This was to be the first time that I would have a “crash and burn” out in public in front of my friends. There are only two people who know me well enough that can see my crashes coming. Mr. Bob is one of them. He can see my movements slowing and my speech becoming more slurred.

Well, Mr. Bob looked at me and asked if I was all right – I am very stubborn and prideful so I told him I was fine and excused myself to go to the restroom. It hit me hard! I could barely move. I just folded up on the tile floor and lay there. It’s bad when I find myself lying on a cold dirty bathroom floor in a public place. All I could think of was Crap, how much time has gone by, I have got to get up while I still can or they will have to break the door down to get me.

The best I can compare to what it feels like when I have a “crash and burn” is when runners have used up their last bit of adrenaline to cross the finish line and they collapse. Sometimes their legs just give out and people actually catch them as they fall. They just lie by the side of the track, sometimes even sobbing with exhaustion, gasping for breath, just too weak to pick up their heads. That’s what it’s like for me. All the adrenaline leaves my body and I collapse, all weak and struggling to breathe.

Anyway, I crawled out of the restroom, stood up and slid into the nearest empty booth. I caught the eye of one of the folks at our table and asked them to get Chris’s attention. This was one of the worse days ever in my life. Right here and now, everyone could see this dreadful thing that happens to me, this thing I so desperately try to hide from the world.

All I knew was I had to somehow get out to the truck before my muscles stopped working entirely. I was not about to end up lying there on the floor of that restaurant! No way were folks going to carry me out like a baby! Thank God, Chris saved my pride by helping me walk out.

It was very embarrassing because I couldn’t help myself and was crying as she took me out of the restaurant – her arm under mine supporting me. It just hurt so bad to try to move my legs and walk, I couldn’t help the sobbing. My body was in such an extremely depressed and pained state.

Chris sat me down, outside against the building, so she could get my keys and bring the truck up closer to load me in. I still remember the humiliation of being so weak I couldn’t dig the keys out of my pocket, and she had to do it for me. She put me back in my truck bed with a blanket, fed me some food and then let me rest.

One of my biggest flaws is this chip on my shoulder to prove I am as tough as anybody else. I’ve always been this way. So even though I know I have this medical problem, I’m still silly and prideful.

As it ends up, since Edna rode in with Chris, she could drive my truck and I back to my place for me. Things always work out, somehow.

I look back and I think how rotten that day was but also what a blessing in disguise it was, too. You see, if that hadn’t happened, I would still be trying to cover this up and never have gained the confidence to actually travel. Now that I know it’s just me that feels weird about this problem and no one else, I’m much more social and I don’t live in fear of folks seeing this happen to me. Weird huh, how if I hadn’t had one of the most embarrassing days of my life I would have missed out on all these great adventures!


Now if I “crash and burn” in public it gives others a chance to do something good for their karma points and it gives me a lesson in pride. Life is so crazy!

It’s so important to be able to compare the good and the bad. It makes the good so much more wonderful to witness. That’s what my life’s been, you see, something wonderful to witness. I have had the most incredible joys enter my life and as you all know now, they came with wagging tails.

Shorty gave me back my sense of humor and an appreciation for all those tiny ironies in life. He told me volumes in his looks and actions. Junior’s interaction with Shorty gave me insights beyond words. Who knew listening to my dogs would take me so far OR teach me so much!

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Bright Ideas
I’ve been herding with Shorty and Junior together as a way to give Shorty confidence to gather and bring sheep back from long out run. (He had confidence problems after getting battered by a crazy ewe.) Shorty has been so much more willing to bring in the sheep with Junior backing him up, so I thought this was a good idea.

But Junior is a bit of a goof, running wide circles and heading off the sheep. I could see Shorty was getting perturbed. He’d run out there with Junior. At first it was picture perfect as they chose separate sides and swung around behind the sheep. Then Shorty watched as Junior circled the fort and kept heading off the flock.

They were stuck in this odd dance with Shorty pushing the sheep my way and Junior holding them in place.

Shorty just looked out at me from that distance, as if to say, “Well I’m not naming names but someone – black, and lives in the same house as me (a complete and entire idiot) – is preventing me from bringing you the sheep!”

As I called from my place in the distance, encouraging Shorty to keep trying, he stood and looked at me in disgust. Junior naturally was oblivious, running full out
then creeping at the sheep from odd angles, not anywhere near pushing the flock in
my direction.

Shorty says to me, “Sure you thought this would make things easier, so much for another of your bright ideas. I’m not working with this clown!” About that time I realized he was quite right. I’d never done distance out runs with Junior, and Junior was just going for it with no idea what was expected.

He had invented a new game for himself and was in heaven.

Spinning wide and toying with the sheep, Junior said, ”I’ll push you here, I’ll push you there, but you’re not really going anywhere. Ah, hah, hah, hah!” His mad laughter filled the air.
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There is something to look forward to in each and every one of my days. Seeing through my dogs’ eyes, it’s fascinating to see how the slightest change in placing a new object on the floor can be cause for so much celebration. Who cares that it’s just a piece of paper I dropped earlier, left forgotten.

It’s an exciting discovery to be danced over and tossed around. The moment is not lost on my dogs! Adventures abound when I choose to follow their lead. To relish the tiny details that cross my path.

The Kelpies pull me from my bed and out into the world. They know each and every one of my darkest moments of pain and seclusion, as well as each and every one
of my triumphs of laughter and joy. They are my closest companions, the keeper of
my secrets.

The Kelpies whispered in my ear of adventure and challenge. Their tales of running free and controlling herds of sheep found us out in bright green pastures, reveling in the sunshine. Because of my dogs I have gone on incredible journeys and met the most interesting people, and I continue to do so!

In Canada we bounded through tall grassy fields and entertained onlookers as Shorty forgot himself and went from pushing the sheep along a path to chasing butterflies.

Every herding excursion is just the adventure my Kelpies promise it to be!

We travel to Iowa where I can stand on a hill and feel as if I could touch the sky. Grit and dust in my hair, the dogs smiling in anticipation out in open country. Getting to experience not only the wonders of sheep, but also cattle and farm cats!

It is the most amazing thing to me that I can step into my dogs’ world of wonder and be so taken away. I am swept up in the experience and connection I have with them. As we work together, everything else just fades. I might walk out into that pasture aching from head to toe, sometimes gasping for breath with my exertion, only to see it all disappear as my dogs and I set out to gather and take the sheep to some other place. To find that sense of purpose we didn’t have until just then.

Rain or shine, the wind whipping at my face, the heat beating down on me, what an exhilarating feeling. I am never so truly alive as when I am out in those fields with
my dogs.

So in your travels when you look out into those fields, expect to find us there – me, in my western hat, with Shorty bounding through the tall grass, and Junior out pushing the sheep along, ever steady and constant.