Knowing Where You Stand
(For those of you that haven't seen me in a while I choose to see that guy again for another month!)

I knew where I stood with the guy I was seeing and I resented him for it. You see I was looking for a friend and he was just not going to offer me that. When I realized friendship wasn’t even in the mix for us I became bitter and bored with what he did have to offer.

His companionship came at a price. I need only follow his rules and he would nuzzle and cuddle with me while watching TV at his place, later sharing time in his bed. But that was it, nothing else. Friendship was not part of it. He was fond of me like a pet and was willing to loan me out stuff and even build something for my truck bed but that was as far as it went. I was learning how it was to feel insignificant. My status with this man was lower then low. I was not his friend. I was his pet, to be put aside at times of his choosing.

As I continued to run into him out in public, I was amazed at how easy it was for him to walk past me. The worst feeling in the world is to have someone you know, see that you are sitting at an empty table at a dance while everyone else is out on the floor, and pass by you without stopping for a short chat. When I see a friend sitting alone I will go over and just pass that moment with them to keep them company for that short time.

More then anything finding myself in this awkward position just choked the life out of me. I knew it was time to move on. Lucky for me I had a trip planned where I would be surrounded by people who knew and cared about me, smoothing over the lonely ache that had been there inside.

What a fabulous feeling to have a friend ask if you want to go do something with them, to be included, listened to, asked your opinion. It is a glorious thing to be a friend and have it returned -- in private or in public, your company desired!

Ironically just as I was pulling away from that guy and his limitations, a new friend walked into my life just when I needed one. Lucky me, I have someone to share ideas with and laugh while practicing dance steps with, someone to make plans with to go dancing. I love being called on the phone and just talking. I love being a friend!