The best of me. The worst of me.

Exposed for what I am, a woman who is trapped within. I am in so much pain this morning. It’s making me a bit beside myself. Angry I can’t rise above this physical body, I’m so sick right now I can’t see straight. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. Just shoot me and put me out of my misery! I’m mourning the fact that I really enjoyed a man that came for the weekend. I would like his heart and soul. Yes, to know him thoroughly!

I let him see the best of me and the worst of me in just two short days. That’s certainly painful in and of itself. Who wants someone to see their worst right off the bat?! But never mind things will settle down, and I will dig deep and get my happiness back. Later I will allow myself to look back on this weekend and enjoy those sweet moments I had. But for now the misery just wells up in me and leaves me screaming deep down on the inside.

This interesting man was curious about me -- came and saw and is gone again. The myth of 'Jean' has been put to rest.

I know the best I can do is be sincere in my encounters, and trust life will bring me good things. Sure I could wish for more of this man but I’m not a stupid person. I will find, within myself, the strength to be satisfied with the here and now and move on.

...Or maybe a bit later. Tears of frustration are a healthy thing so I embrace them, thankful I can feel this heady rush at all. I wish good things for all those that enter my life even those that come for just a weekend. He was certainly delightful company.

The idea that I will some day find someone, who might choose me for simply who I am. Well that is just a charming idea and I’ll tuck that thought away and let it warm my heart.