Summer’s flown by

Summers for me are crammed and jammed with as much as I possibly can get into them between resting times. I’m working my dogs as a brace (a team of two working in unison) and though it’s a challenge have gotten to where they will work off my body language and work more fluidly together at herding sheep.

People seem fascinated and I suppose wonder why I even want to work my dogs together, as at times it is so much harder to get two to be directed then just one. It kind of started as a way to help my Shorty dog over a rough patch. He lacked the confidence to work on his own away from me on the livestock.

Now his desire to work has intensified and sometimes it’s just a struggle to get him to not try to take the sheep away from Junior while they’re working together. Anytime one dog tries to cut across the other dog’s path to work the sheep by himself, I put him in a wide flank, circling and off contact from the sheep, until he listens to take my direction -- staying in position. Both dogs are very quick to pick up on this maneuver of mine and since they want to remain on contact (directly moving the sheep) will settle down to work more cooperatively with each other. Nether one of them wants to spend their time running wide circles around the perimeter of the sheep. Although it is great fun to watch two dogs running flanks counter to each other. Kind of like a circus act, on dog going clockwise and the other counter clockwise.

I sort of look like an orchestra director out there. It’s probably odd to watch the boys and I. The dogs know what right and left mean. If I say right, I’m wanting the dog to come on my right side and line up beside that leg. So I truly have a right hand and left hand dog now. Shorty lines up on my right and Junior on my left, when I call in preparation for an outrun. The out run looks like this...

I lift my arms out in a sweeping motion (in the beginning saying “get out”) and the boys take off on their appropriate sides around the sheep. When driving and turning it is great fun to move them with my body position. As I step out to the side and raise one arm it will push both of them over in unison as we continue to move driving the sheep along. If one of the dogs moves to cross the others path I will verbally reposition him and we will get going again. I find this great fun. This dancing with my dogs.

I love the company of my dogs and it is very fulfilling to have both out with me in the field. We are our own small little pack. The dogs have always followed me where ever I go, and out to herding trials or clinics are always found by my side. I think no matter how many dogs I would have I would figure out a way to have them all there with me.

Life lessons (the hard way)

Hard reminders, going back to the things I’ve learned from being ill. I’ve gotten so use to this other life sometimes it’s hard remembering how it was to be normal. I was an achiever and doer in my other life. A real self-improver. There was no sitting down and enjoying who I was. No savoring the moment. No feelings of satisfaction. I was always looking for satisfaction but never allowed myself to be satisfied with where I was in life. I wanted to be more like the others I looked up to and never myself.

Pain and I are well acquainted.

I see your pain and I want to reach out and gently soothe your brow.

It dulls the senses, each breath a struggle. Yes, I know pain. If I could carry yours away I would. I’d pile it high on top of my own. Knowing pain the way I do it would be no great thing for me to do, believe me.

You see, my pain will wax and wane but never leave me, what is a little more? But you unused to this violent surge from overwhelmed nerves racking your system, it is a true and horrid shock. Yes, what a nightmare for you.

For me pain is as usual as being thirsty. I know the pain that has you hoarse begging to make it stop. The kind where one cries, "Just make it go away!" But it won’t.

The body spasms rippling in big knotty surges up and down – never ending it seems – over and over again – past endurance, as I loose my mind.

The body has been cut and sewn back together. Now it screams its abuse. The pain of complete exhaustion, each muscle screaming torment that even rest can’t help with.

The pain so intense no sound is uttered but a whimper now and then to the rhythm of breathing as I lie curled up in a ball on the floor.

I know the feeling of helplessness that comes with trying drug after drug to no avail because of the added suffering from each medications side affects just makes it worse. In the end discovering I can take nothing to really make the pain go away without some miserable consequence in it's place.

The body wasting – eyes sinking deep into their sockets, the flesh hanging loosely, bones protruding. Pain is such an ugly business.

If only I could take it from you I would.

It’s a good day, one of many. The shots are working and although I’m not to the energy level of a normal person, I feel so much better overall that I’m almost euphoric. What just blows me away is how satifided I can feel over the simplist of moments. Here I sit reading a book, gazing down at one of my dogs and listening to the thunder roll outside. It’s 8:30 and I’m just happy to be here.

These are amazing moments of feeling good that some folks take for granted. No pain, no nausia, no dizziness. I revel in the feeling of being comfortable. That’s it. Just plain relaxed and comfortable.

Yesterday, I felt so strong that I drove down to Lakeville and back in the rain. I love the rain. Driving in the rain. Standing in the rain. Listening to the rain.

There is such a sense of intimacy that the rain brings as it muffles everything in a shroud of mist and wet. I actually wanted to do something so off I went to eat at my favorite Mexican restaurant.

It was early, about 5:00 and there were just a few people there. The restaurant front was so dark I did think that it was open. There were two men sitting by the entrance eating and laughing. It made for good atmosphere in there to hear the men laugh as I ordered my meal. The kitchen staff was sitting at a back table drinking pop and waiting for customers. The place was such a relaxed setting to eat a meal and watch the rain.

I like taquitos in corn tortillas and was just chowing down as I watched it pouring outside. Because it was early and no one was around all of us there could enjoy the music playing. I’m not bilingual so I had no idea what was being sung but a good song would come on and someone would turn it up. With my feet tapping to the beat, I sat and wondered how I’d dance to this. It made me think maybe learning salsa moves on the dance floor wasn’t such a bad idea.

Sometime I know I’ll be strong enough to learn some latin dancing. I add that to the list in my head of stuff to do next year as a challenge to myself to get better. Each time I accomplish one of these things from the list in my head I feel so proud. They are proof of my continued improvements toward wellness.