The Party.

We had Jack’s housewarming and dance party last night. It was a blast!!!! Jack busted his butt to get the empty duplex painted and when I came over with the folding chairs he looked a bit stressed and tired from all the work.

I invited a ton of tango people and just about every one showed up and we packed them in. It was crazy fun, with a very diverse crowd of folks.

There were swing/lindy hoppers that started off the party showing up at 8:00 and then salsa folks came in to spice things up at 9:00 and by 10:00 the tango crowd showed. By then it was utter mayhem and chaos! Oh how I loved it!!!!!!!!!

The windows were steamed up and some were open to let the winter air cool off our hot bods. The dance floor was packed in this tiny living room space with a variety of people kicking up their heels. The kitchen was full of chairs to change shoes and talk, and on the counter spaces there were wine bottles everywhere. I think everyone had bought a bottle of wine with them, and all were opened.

Since the apartment was empty of any furniture (due to the fact Jack hadn’t rented the place out yet) there was just enough space to accommodate everyone. And the back bedroom was open to any daring souls that wanted to learn a bit of tango before going out to the living room floor.

I, of course, was most diligently recruiting the lindy hoppers to tango. I just couldn’t help myself. They were a most delightful crowd and I loved dancing swing with them. We practiced walking a bit in the back room and then I took them out to the main floor and we laughed and laughed as they experimented, accidentally bumping into good-natured tango dancers, who weren’t bothered a bit seeing their enthusiasm.

Finally exhaustion caught up with me -- I’d been dancing with each group that came since 7:30 and now it was after 11:00.

After I could dance no more, I saw Jack and Ryan in the back bedroom talking, and went in and put my head on Jack’s shoulder. He was having a great time and he was in his element. He threw his arm around me and laughed at me as I shamelessly flirted with Ryan before packing up and going home.

What a great time it all was! And I'm delighted to find that several of the tango folks want to go out country dancing so next Wednesday there are about seven of us planning to go -- what a hoot!! Life is good --yeah baby -- life is good!

Karmic Order.

Someone just asked me today why I chose ‘karmic order’ as my email address and it made me think about some of the basic things I believe in and why. I’d like to share them with you…

I believe life can be lived effortlessly when we make the right choices for ourselves. Doors open easily. And when we are ready for them we are able to perceive them for the opportunities that they are. This is Karmic order.

Like wise when the way is blocked, and most difficult, and we are willful to make things happen (Not listening to our hearts) life becomes very hard to live.

If we simply acknowledge this as a closed door, that it was not meant to be or perhaps that we’re not yet ready to have this thing in our lives yet, this too is karmic order.

It sounds all deep and everything but it’s profoundly simple. And of course it happens to all of us whether we like it or not.

Love For Two.

This is the story of a powerful love shared by two quiet timid souls as told by my roommate Monica. They shared each other’s lives in a simple existence. Each made the other so much more by just being there together.

This was the life Thelonius knew before he lost the great love of his life.

The day his ladylove passed, she lay there motionless beside him cold and lifeless. And in that most heartrending hour he murmured his good byes, gently nuzzling her neck and let her go.

After that, he simply turned away from those around him. To this day he is cold and unfeeling where once he had been most affectionate. It was as if when the love of his life died, a little piece of him went with her. Monica says he has never been the same since, just simply not the guinea pig he once was.




Protecting the Family Jewels.

Javier and I practiced tango last night and he was showing me a dance move at the end of the evening that was most tricky. It was a wrap into a small tight gancho.

Usually a gancho is a movement that happens when as the follower steps backward and she finds her leg blocked to going any further only has the option to kick her leg around her partner’s in a kind of hooking action.

So Javier some how weaved his legs in mine, our bodies entwined and with a little snap I had just enough space for this little bit of gancho in a foreward motion from me around his leg. It was a weird move and had to be done with the utmost care. It was such a tight wrap position I just had to ask, “Isn’t this a danger to your cahones?” And his response was, “yes the family jewels are in jeopardy”, and then grins this big grin. Like myself he is so impassioned by the dance that he will take any chance out on the floor just for the thrill of an exciting new tango move. Well maybe not just like me, I don’t have to worry about the family jewels or anything. ;)

Love Yourself.

Water Skippers are forever locked in my childhood memory, hours of watching them down in the ditches of Platteville, Colorado. Memories are a powerful thing. Our memories drive us and shape us – they are a part of our human condition.

My own triggered a deep emotional response in me as I saw those water skippers in the mystical movie “Beloved”, a story that tells of the kind of memories we lock inside ourselves that can plague our very being. Those that haunt us like demons tearing at our reality.

Do you have memories like that that keep you down? I say release them and return to the now! Love yourself!

A Most Unpleasant Situation.

It was a most interesting morning. Jack had to evict his tenant today and I was there to take Jack’s place to fill out the inventory sheets. Since Jack wasn’t allowed to take anymore time off from work for this he asked for my help. It was no problem.

So at 8:00 this morning I was at Jack’s place. He and I both decided to help his tenant, Lance, who knew the Sheriff was coming at nine, moved as much of his stuff as possible. As Lance pointed out things that were going in his truck, the trash, or for donation we moved as much as we could before the Sheriff arrived.

What a mess. With compassion we helped Lance move his things in this most unpleasant situation. He maybe a mess and make bad choices but we can still treat him humanely.

All that was left was inventoried and locked up to be stored in the basement and the sheds outside. We loaded as much as we could of Lance’s stuff in his truck and then Lance was locked out.

I wonder at how Jack hadn’t considered all the junk this man might possibly be leaving behind. I counted from my inventory not one but five heavy metal desks that this guy had no intention of keeping. Taking these things to the dump will be a bitch and costly at that. The old computer left in the closet alone will cost around $25 to get rid of. I have no idea if there is a separate fee for the monitor.

As the sheriff chatted with me he said, “You must have done this before.” And well of course I hadn’t and I told him so. It’s just that it was obvious what needed doing and I got right to making sure that Jack understood ALL Lances things must be inventoried and that Jack could not throw any of it away for 60 days. I don’t think it’s quite sunk in yet that Jack is stuck with all this stuff for that long.

Jack should never have allowed this stuff to be stored on his premises but to be impounded. Oh well.

More Baby More!

I am resillent and back to my old self once again. The weekend had me at an all time high and an all time low but I've bounced back ready for more.

Since I hadn’t been out to see the Rush men in about two months, last night was a real treat. You see, I’ve been spending my Wednesdays working with several new tango guys, encouraging them so they won’t drop out of tango, so I’ve been to busy to go country dancing.

But last night I had a free night to kick up my heels. And that I did! Oh my lord I was so busy I didn’t know what to do with myself. Those men had me spinning like a whirling dervish none stop all night.

Spin me, spin me, spin me…I’m in heaven!!!!!

And I so love all the attention. What a great time! At one point my friend Jim and I were dancing and singing along with a song that goes:

“When you walk in baby love begins

When you walk in baby oooh my, my

When you come around, my jaw hits the ground

When you cross the floor I scream more baby more

When you flash your smile you drive me wild -- oh yeah”

And I couldn’t help the crazy wild grin on my face as I thought about this guy I'd seen over the weekend. That’s how he’d made me feel. The possibility of seeing him again just put a most devilish grin on my face, and Jim says, “Wow, you are just on fire tonight.” If he only knew. Too funny!!!

The best of me. The worst of me.

Exposed for what I am, a woman who is trapped within. I am in so much pain this morning. It’s making me a bit beside myself. Angry I can’t rise above this physical body, I’m so sick right now I can’t see straight. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. Just shoot me and put me out of my misery! I’m mourning the fact that I really enjoyed a man that came for the weekend. I would like his heart and soul. Yes, to know him thoroughly!

I let him see the best of me and the worst of me in just two short days. That’s certainly painful in and of itself. Who wants someone to see their worst right off the bat?! But never mind things will settle down, and I will dig deep and get my happiness back. Later I will allow myself to look back on this weekend and enjoy those sweet moments I had. But for now the misery just wells up in me and leaves me screaming deep down on the inside.

This interesting man was curious about me -- came and saw and is gone again. The myth of 'Jean' has been put to rest.

I know the best I can do is be sincere in my encounters, and trust life will bring me good things. Sure I could wish for more of this man but I’m not a stupid person. I will find, within myself, the strength to be satisfied with the here and now and move on.

...Or maybe a bit later. Tears of frustration are a healthy thing so I embrace them, thankful I can feel this heady rush at all. I wish good things for all those that enter my life even those that come for just a weekend. He was certainly delightful company.

The idea that I will some day find someone, who might choose me for simply who I am. Well that is just a charming idea and I’ll tuck that thought away and let it warm my heart.

Technology ain’t it great?

God bless Sri’s Dad. He has finally relented and now leaves voice messages on the machine. Up till now whenever he’d call he would just keep ringing until someone answered. (Sometimes half the day if he had a mind to) If I gave in and answered he would spend that whole time loudly saying “Sri, Sri, Sri, Sri…” He couldn’t understand what I was telling him. Eventually I would give up, and on hanging-up there he’d be again ringing the phone. Out of desperation I started unpluging all the phones in the house when I knew he was up to his tricks.

Now He has a new cell phone and calls whenever he is bored, passing the time by redialing over and over again. When I told Sri how bad it had gotten, she said she would try to get him to leave a message and not call so much. She has tried this before but to no avail.

But wonders of wonders, he left a message today! Sure he still called back and left an identical one an hour later but this, people, is real progress from, as I understand it, a most difficult man.

Now if only I could get my Mom to learn to hit reply on an email and write me back instead of reading my emails and then writing me a letter and sending it snail mail! I love you Mom, and some day you will even figure out how to get to my blogs!!